Bad News

Well, so it seems very clear by now that 2 of the lesions have not responded to the Gammaknife treatment. It works in 90% of the cases, but I am among the 10%. On the more hopeful side of things the remaining treated lesions are stable and there are no new lesions, which is very good. Also, the rest of my body is cancer free, but we unfortunately need these damn brains, and brain metastases are notoriously difficult to treat.

Sometimes I get really angry, I have to admit, since this situation was completely avoidable. But that doesn’t help right now, and anger isn’t a great feeling to live with anyhow. So I might as well try to walk it off quickly.

The task for this week is find out / decide what treatment I should go on right now. I never tried Xeloda, a pill based chemo that is the standard recommendation in these cases. It doesn’t work for many people (percentages vary according to source), which is why I refused it initially. Itt does work for some though and at this point I am certainly willing to try. I think I can keep those micro-metastases in check (even without Xeloda), but once a tumor is established it becomes tough.

Otherwise, the past 10 days have been fun. On our way back from Long Beach to New York, we took a detour to look at one of the potential training places for Lucinha and I got to visit a dear friend in Santa Cruz. Other friends came down from San Francisco and once back here (in New York) we spent the week-end with friends in the Catskills. Lucinha loved it all of course.

Below a picture of me from this week-end. Lucinha wasn’t the star of the photo-op this time, but her flickr site is being updated regularly:

Other than that, I am still planning to travel to Germany next week, but might have to revise my plans for teaching this spring. I enjoyed teaching this quarter, but right now it might not be such a great idea.

The weather here is freezing, but absolutely gorgeous. I will take the four legged beasty out for a walk soon. That should help.

Much love,

8 thoughts on “Bad News

  1. wow, you look absolutely gorgeous. Lucinha may be adorable but you are heart-stopping beautiful my friend.
    I’m so glad you had a happy two weeks just now.
    The two resistant lesions suck.
    what is it Donna H. says? disease is a relationship?
    but we want to live!
    where in de will you be?
    love~ cp

    • Oh, well thanks for the flowers! One day I will tell you why we took these rather posed pics. Its kinda funny.
      will be in Hamburg, visiting my mother. There is a trial in Germany that looks interesting, so who knows I might spend more time there in the near future.
      Disease is a relationship alright, it just feels like a rather parasitic one right now. Its like this constant effort to transform the parasite into a symbiont, but then the mask falls and then the tentacles come out and al those tiny cells transform back into their parasite existence.
      Ay ya ya.

  2. I love the new haircut, and your rock star pose here :)

    You are such a trooper, Shani. Sending you lots of love and warmth and let’s hope the new-to-you pill can kick those two lesions.

    Be sure to let me know when you are next in LB.

  3. Gorgeous! I mean you are really so beautiful and you look amazing! I’m so sorry I missed seeing you and Bob and Lucinha in CA this time around. I’m so sorry the gamma knife didn’t do the trick entirely – take those pills now – and have another great 10 days and then another and another – missing you – will maybe see you in NYC in summer if you aren’t coming back to CA before…

    xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoo – s

  4. Hate the bad news but loved those words ‘stable’ and ‘no new lesions’ lurking in there.
    Glad Germany is still on the books.
    Long Beach just turned to spring, it’s waiting to welcome you back.

  5. Hi Shani,

    even though the news are not the best, I am looking forward to see you in Germany. Please let me know when you are there an when it would be best to come to your mother’s place.

    Ich denke an Dich und hätte Dir echt gerne etwas zu essen vorbeigebracht oder wäre mit der Kleinen unterwegs gewesen (ich! und Hund!). Ich komme auf jeden Fall irgendwie in A’Burg vorbei.

    Viele liebe Grüße aus Berlin von Konti

  6. Your strength is as cool as your looks … wanna hear the story behind the
    that gorgeous pose.

    Well there is something about those parasites:
    Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.

    A parasite and its host evolve together. The parasite adapts to its environment by living in and using the host in ways that harm it. Hosts also develop ways of getting rid of or protecting themselves from parasites.
    Some hosts also build a symbiotic relationship with another organism that helps to get rid of the parasite.

    Onwards to a symbiotic relationship !! Those darn tentacles need you, they better behave …

    {{{ Shani}}} xoxoxo

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