No sweet talk this time

Dear All,

No news, good or bad on the official medical front, but other than that, things haven’t been going so well, to be honest.

Somehow I seem to have lost my ability of playing “Super Mario” (quote from my doctor), and feel utterly depleted. Physically just as much as mentally. I seem to be crying days on end, being tripped of by no good reason and have by now lost an additional 10lbs (after the initial 10lbs after the craniotomy last May). I guess if you keep on scratching the bottom of an empty bucket, you eventually destroy the bucket! Anyhow, while some crying after 2 1/2 years of “keeping it together” might not be such a terrible thing, the weight loss concerns me quite a bit. This quarter Robert was mostly in LA and I was flying back and forth, but spending more time in New York. It will be a similar set-up next quarter. In between I had “caretaker” help flown in from Europe, but we can’t do that all the time and there were and will be times when I am alone in New York. I also get the sense that Robert is somewhat at the end of his rope himself, so even when he is around, I have to make sure that he isn’t the one hitting rockbottom next. So, I guess this is my cry for “local” help. Its been hard for me to keep up the shopping and cooking duties, which often results in me not eating at all in the end. Since food is one of the few things that I can do to at least attempt to keep all those nasty micro-metastases in check, “ordering in pizza” isn’t such a good idea in my case. Ugh, its hard to ask for help, but I guess what I am asking is if anyone might every once in a while have time to help out with shopping and some shared cooking activities.
In LA things are usually a bit easier, with the exception of me not being able to drive anymore. But my dear friends here all know that and have accommodated me in the past in such a wonderful way, that I will just take this opportunity to say “thanks.” We haven’t been able to do any cooking here either recently, but at least there are many good places to get relatively healthy cooked food, which Robert has been able to get for us.
Its sometimes so hard to explain how tired and exhausted I am, especially, since by definition, people only see me when I am doing relatively well.

Anyhow, I hope everyone on this list is doing well. Lucinha is loving California and is becoming bigger and “naughtier” by the day :)!

All best,
Shani/Beatriz

In and Out of Gammaknife

Dear All,
Thanks so much for the sweet emails last time around! Feel free to use the comment box as well (hint, hint). So, I made it in and out off Gammaknife ok. This time they added a little astronaut touch to my outfit :). Now we just have to hope that it worked. My mother is visiting from Germany and helping out with the “aftermath fatigue” of the whole ordeal; little Lucinha adds lots of play, life, and happiness to the situation; Robert will be able to come for a few days from LA and my aunt will come for a couple of day as well. So, it will be a full house! Just what ‘social me’ needs. I can put all the responsibilities (well except for Lucinha) on everyone else, and just do whatever I want the rest of the time. HA! Those days are hard to come by!
Below a picture of me in astronaut outfit, and Lucinha and me resting after a long outing in the dog park.
All best,
Shani/Beatriz